


Darkness

by ReynaRuina



Series: Ponytail Dib Au [3]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Crying, Darkness, Frottage, M/M, Romantic Frustration, Self-Hatred, Unresolved Romantic Tension, ZaDr, as in they're left in it dshjkdsf, implied/ referenced self hatred, in more than one way, zim and dib romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReynaRuina/pseuds/ReynaRuina
Summary: Things are becoming difficult to handle for Dib, and Zim both.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: Ponytail Dib Au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634140
Comments: 42
Kudos: 152





	Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> MASSIVE WARNING BEFOREHAND: This is part of a long format story told on Tumblr through both writing and artwork, I'm dumping this part in specific here because tagging triggers here is way better and this gets a bit more adult leaning than the rest of the au so far. I highly suggest you check this AU out on reynaruina.tumblr.com/tagged/ponytail-dib-au before proceeding with this read (the fic titled Reality Check in specific goes right before this one, and the one named Contact which is referenced in this one) If anything you've seen on those tags interest you I highly recommend you check this out, it's Absolute Angst and Slow Burn Town.  
> For anyone who just rather read this first anyways, here's the jist of the AU: Dib is about 27, living alone and working shitty jobs, suffering from depression, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts galore. The only thing that still brings him any kind of happiness is to battle Zim for the fate of the Earth. Zim has been in love with Dib for years and has renounced the Tallest after discovering the truth behind his exile, and now wishes to take over Earth with Dib. Except he's aware the only reason Dib has to keep living is to fight with him, so he pretends to still be his enemy and stages battles just to give him something to live for, all while trying to take care of him behind his back. Dib also tends to get very drunk and wander into Zim's house at night, hang out, sleep on his couch, then not remember a thing the next day. Dib is also in love with Zim, but his depression and self image issues prevent him from making a move.That's the TL-DR of this, if you wanna know more (again) check the AU on Tumblr :D
> 
> P.S. FIC SPECIFIC WARNING: This is a bit of a different writing style from my other fics posted here, more conversational and "theatre script" like. I use italics for introspective/setup text that establishes setting, bold for character names and actions in first degree and ** for character action in secondary degree. Hope it's readable enough D:!

_It is a cold and cloudy night. Dib's hanging out at Zim's place, sitting on the couch, clutching his flask with a hundred-mile stare. Zim comes and goes around the house, trying to give Dib some space, but ultimately can't help but confront his attitude._

**Zim, frowning:** You're very quiet tonight.

**Dib, barely lifting his eyes from the TV:** Hnm.

**Zim, antennae twitching:** I SAID you're being very quiet tonight, human. Weirdly quiet.

**Dib, sighing:** You’d rather I be yammering away about my problems yet again?

**Zim:** Well, it's better than this! You look like one of those Zombie-things...

**Dib, shivering slightly:** Nghhm.

**Zim, sighing loudly, annoyed:** Is this because of what I did to that coworker of yours? You know she was gonna take your job, right? I only did you a favor by erasing her memory.

**Dib, frowning, making an effort to remember:** ....who?

**Zim, eye twitching:** ....Then what is it?? What's with the silent treatment?! Answer Zim!!!!

**Dib, scoffing, taking another swing of his drink:** I'm just... not in the mood to talk. You better appreciate this silence from me, for however long it lasts.

_Zim harrumphs, unsatisfied, but doesn't answer; going back inside the kitchen for a brief moment. He comes back out with a bowl of popcorn, sitting down right next to Dib with it._

**Dib, tensing up and eyeing Zim cautiously:** ...You need... something?

**Zim, shoving popcorn into his mouth:** It's my house, I get to sit wherever I want.

**Dib, raising an eyebrow:** And that's... right next to me?...

_Zim just nods, offering some popcorn to Dib, which he refuses. Zim shrugs and goes back to eating, staring at the TV and ignoring Dib's clearly tense body language._

**Zim between handfuls of popcorn:** Whatcha watching?

**Dib, tense as all hell, blushing slightly:** Some... some movie about... some... thing...

**Zim, laying his head on Dib's shoulder as he watches:** Hm.

**Dib, tensing up even further as Zim's soft weight lands against his side:** Do you...d-do you _have_ to do that?

**Zim, absentmindedly:** Do what?

**Dib, swallowing in dry, face entirely red by now:** L-l-lying...lying on me like that.

**Zim shrugs:** My house my rules, I do what I want. I can stop if you tell me what's going on with you.

**Dib shudders:** F-forget it.

**Zim smirks softly, finishing his popcorn:** Alright then.

_He continues to stare at the TV in silence for a while. Dib won't relax, not even a little._

**Zim, finally breaking the silence:** You seem tense.

**Dib, sounding almost offended:** I'm always tense a-around you, that's nothing... nothing new.

**Zim:** That's a _lie_. You spend many nights here, and you rarely get this tense.

**Dib, shivering:** Well you're not usually this _close_ to me!

**Zim, smiling:** I see. You're just nervous over something new then. *he snuggles up a bit closer* That's fine, you'll get used to it.

**Dib, shivering even more at the increased closeness, face bright red by this point:** That's not… Zim, I’d rather have my space. S-seriously.

**Zim, not moving an inch:** And I would like to know what's up with you. Perhaps we can trade.

**Dib, stubbornly:** I'm not telling you anything.

**Zim, stubbornly also:** Then I'm not moving either.

_Dib sighs with exasperation, but doesn't move. Instead he goes to turn the TV off with the remote, apparently in hopes of giving Zim no reason to stay, but this seems to have no effect on Zim other than slight annoyance. Dib now avoids looking at pthe screen. However: the black surface shows his reflection pretty well, and the view is clearly uncomfortable for him._

_They both stay like this for a while, and despite everything eventually Dib does begin to relax. He steals a look at Zim from time to time, hesitant, watching Zim finish up his popcorn and lean into him a bit more._

_Suddenly, the lights go out with a buzz of electricity. Zim rises from his seat, frowning at the ceiling._

**Zim, screaming:** Computer?! What just happened?

**Computer voice, distant:** Central Power Core has been disabled for scheduled maintenance. Emergency power is being used to monitor the process. This could take a while, please be patient.

**Zim, relaxing a little:** Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. *he stands up, stretching a little* Well, guess it'll be better if I go make sure everything goes well. Computer, call the elevator for th—

_Zim stops dead in his tracks, slowly looking back. In the dark, he can see that Dib has lunged forward and grabbed his arm._

**Dib slightly shivering:** ...wait... Don't… go....

**Zim, antennae perking up in surprise:** Huh?

**Dib, biting his lips:** Please, stay with... with me. _Please._

_Confused but compliant, Zim sits down near Dib, looking at his face. Dib has retrieved his flask and is now fidgeting nervously with the hem of his shirt._

**Zim:** I'm staying. You want to talk...or...?

**Dib nods, the shivers becoming more pronounced. His face still very red, his eyes avoiding Zim entirely:** I'm... I wanna... I...need to... I'm so... sorry. I wanna apo... apologize.

**Zim, even more confused:** About what?

**Dib, making a huge effort not to explode under the heat and pressure of his own embarrassment:** L-last time I was here you were... y-you sat on my lap and... and...you offered me...you....A-and I got scared and pushed... pushed you off. I'm... sorry for that.

**Zim, blushing like mad, not expecting him to bring this up in the least:** ...Oh. I mean you didn't really push me, just asked me to get off you and I did.

**Dim, lowering his face in pure shame:** Yeah, I... I mean that you were.. you were really into it and I... and you got so...so sad when I....

**Zim, sighing and biting his lip, completely unprepared for this conversation:** Well, I... yeah, it felt... It was difficult to step away, but I'm... You said no, and that was it.

**Dib, practically forcing himself to speak his mind:** I didn't think you'd... listen.

**Zim, sighing once again:** I might be a monster to all humans, Dib, and especially to you, but I'm not... _that_ kind of monster.

**Dib remained in silence for a while. Then, finally, he fumbles for his flask and takes a swing, blurting out:** I regret pushing you away. And not just because it made you sad. I regretted it because... because I wanted to keep going.

_Zim gasps, quietly, feeling his blood beginning to boil. It’s becoming difficult not to tackle Dib right then and there._

**Zim, staring intensely at Dib, who despite the darkness is still avoiding his gaze:** ... Really?

**Dib, pushing the words out one by one as if each had been blocking his throat for hours:** Yeah. Really. I wanted to keep going. I g- I got hard and everything. And I regretted lo-losing y- .... I.... regretted stopping. The whole week. Every time I got drunk in my room. It's _all_ I could think about.

**Zim, antennae dropping:** I'm sorry. I never wanted to.... never wanted to make you feel like that.

**Dib, biting his lips, leaving his flask aside and finally daring to look at Zim:** Well it's... It's what happened. I've felt like a fool for... for throwing away my ch- for.... telling you to stop. Because I knew you wouldn't.... L-look *Dib sits up straight, gesturing eloquently with his hands* I get what you're doing. You're trying to help. For some fucking reason I don't understand, you wanna help... _help me_. And I thought it was...it was just _pity_. Because how the fuck could it be anything else?!

**Zim shakes his head, sitting a bit closer, landing a tentative hand on Dib's thigh:** You know I don't pity anyone, Dib. Least of all you.

_Dib shivers, head turning to the hand on his leg even though it is too dark to see more than a few shapes here and there. He bites his lips, quivering all over, trying to vomit out his intentions by force._

**Dib:** So you... tried to do that, f-for me but also because... also because you wanted to.

**Zim, clear and defiant:** Yes. I wanted to.

**Dib swallows dryly, finally daring to look into Zim's eyes:** Well I... I wanna try again. Would there be any chance to-

_Before Dib's finished with his statement, Zim's already jumped to sit on his lap. Dib lets out a frankly embarrassing squeak of surprise, tensing up a bit._

**Zim, regretting his lack of self control:** S-sorry, I... Yes. Zim wants to try again too. If that's...ok.

**Dib only nods, his heart beating like a runaway train. He closes his eyes and places a trembling hand on Zim's side:** It's...yeah. Yes. Just...yes. Let's do this.

_Zim visibly shivers at the contact, closing his eyes and trying to contain a needy sigh. He feels like he's just jumped into a minefield, knowing he has to be extremely careful with anything he does or says._

**Zim, slowly embracing Dib and resting his head on his shoulder:** This is where we left off last time.

**Dib, quivering all over, gasping as Zim's soft weight falls on his chest:** Y-yeah...yes.

_Dib's hand on Zim's back makes a small attempt to pet up and down, incipient erection already digging into Zim's crotch. He lets out a very quiet moan at the feeling, softly pressing down on it._

**Zim, in a soft tone:** Is it okay if I do this?

**Dib, pausing on a long breath, taking a lot of effort to keep himself calm:** Yeah...yeah, that's alright....

**Zim bites his lips, making a small, tentative thrusting motion:** How about that?

**Dib, already scared and overwhelmed out of his mind, letting out a tiny choked meep:** Y-Y-Yeah, _yeahyyeahyeahyeah_

**Zim, immediately noticing Dib's racing heart and stopping all together:** It's alright Dib, I can stop if you w-

**Dib, grabbing Zim's hips with both hands in a panic to keep him in place: NO!!** No, nonono... _please no..._

_Dib bites down his lips so hard that he draws blood, somehow conjuring enough courage to thrust up with his hips. He's immediately rewarded with a delicious, surprised little mewl from Zim, followed by a tiny chirp from deep inside Zim's chest. Dib can't help but smile triumphantly, falling instantly in love with the noises. His chest hurts from how much he likes it, how much he feels Zim...how much he wants to hear more._

_Zim's antennae shiver, hands digging into Dib's shirt, barely containing the desire to push things even further. He can hardly believe any of this is actually happening._

**Zim, voice hoarse:** Ok... just...let me know if anything is too much.

**Dib just nods, going still again:** Ok, ok, ok.... I ah...was... wh-what I just did, was it too...too much?

**Zim shakes his head, thrusting down just a bit, enticing Dib:** Not at all. It was good. _Please don't stop._

_Dib nods, conjuring even more courage to hold onto Zim's hips and softly thrust upwards once again. The wonderful little mewl and the adorable chirp return, and it has Dib shivering with delight. Zim's head nests itself on his shoulder, daring a tiny kiss, making Dib gasp._

**Zim, grinding back down a bit more, feeling his spear slithering out of its vent:** Uhm...t-tell me if this is okay.

**Dib gasps louder at the strange wriggling feeling over his crotch, but if anything, the clearly alien body part just makes his thrusts more eager:** It's.. w-woah... it's...ah! G-good.

**Zim, absolutely blissful after hearing Dib's little moan, pressing down and letting his erection wiggle over Dib's:** _You like it?_ *he whispers, in a seductive little tone*

_Dib, feeling a full body shiver at Zim's tone of voice, can only nod shakily. Zim smiles wide, his antennae finally reaching out to tangle with Dib's hair. He repeats the tiny kisses here and there on whatever bare skin he finds, listening to Dib's little "oh"s and "ah"s and feeling like he’s in heaven._

_Eventually Dib dares a kiss of his own on Zim's neck, face feeling like it’s on fire. Zim shivers, his antennae clinging to Dib's hair even more, and tries his damnest not to scream his feelings at the top of his lungs._

**Dib, bringing the rhythm of their hips to a nice and comfortable tempo:** T- thank... _thank you_...Zim...

**Zim, almost out of breath from the pure effort of keeping it all in, letting out small noises and chirps for Dib from time to time:** D-don't... mention it.

**Dib, daring to rub up Zim's shoulders a bit with a hand, remembering how he likes his massages:** I'm serious, I-It's... I can't...thank you enough for... this...

**Zim lets out a defeated whine, slumping down on Dib's chest as the massages relax him completely, chirps intensifying. He doesn't remember ever feeling this happy, this good:** Mnhh....💖 Just... _Ngh!_ *He shudders as Dib rubs over his shoulders just right.* Let's... keep going...

_Dib nods, kissing Zim's neck again before biting his lip and holding onto him tight as their crotches rub against one another. Zim's spear is wriggling all over, as if trying to push through their clothing, and Dib finds himself wanting to break the clothing barrier between them more and more._

_Zim, emboldened by how far they've gotten, begins to lavish Dib's neck with kisses. Dib sighs, exposing it to give Zim more room, which he quickly takes advantage of. The kisses begin to meander a bit closer to the jaw, until Zim reaches Dib’s cheek._

**Zim, shivering like mad, whispering into Dib's ear:** Is all of this ok?

_Dib only nods, eyes closed tight, completely surrendered. Zim, unable to take no more, softly holds Dib by the head and kisses the corner of his lips. This startles the human enough to make him look at Zim, eyes like dinner plates._

**Dib, heart hammering away inside his chest:** _Z-Zim?_

**Zim, holding onto Dib's face with both hands, staring intensely into his eyes:** Dib, I need to... ask you something.

**Dib, barely able to make out the shape of Zim's face and eyes in the dark, blood racing in his veins as an idea of what's to come tries to take shape inside his brain:** Y-yeah? What...is it?

_Zim breathes in, stopping all his movements, trying to focus on the moment and keep his nerves steady. This may not be the best time to ask for this, but it is what he's chosen._

**Zim:** Can I… can I kiss you?.

**Dib's frozen in place. His head feels like he's just gotten a concussion. His heart beats faster than ever, but a huge knot of pure dread also starts materializing in the pit of his stomach:** Y... y-you... want... to...?

**Zim swallowing dryly, briefly stroking Dib's lips with a thumb:** Yes. **_Please._**

_Dib licks his lips, whole body shaking, eyes locked with Zim's. Right before it looks like he's about to respond, however, the lights come back on in the base._

**Computer** : Central Power Core is 100% functional again. Thank you for your patience, master.

**Zim shivers, gritting his teeth, whole body tensing up but refusing to move an inch. He's not giving this up. Not until he gets an answer:** D.. Dib?

_But Dib's eyes are not on Zim anymore. Startled by the sudden light, they've landed on the reflective surface of the TV right in front, and he's now frozen in his tracks._

**Zim, desperate, trying to catch Dib's eyes again:** Dib??

**Dib's face has turned sour. There's a hint of disgust and shame behind his eyes as he stares into the TV:** Get off me, Zim *he softly states*

**Zim, frowning, taken by surprise:** What? No! Why?!

**Dib, letting go of his hold on Zim, prying his eyes away from both Zim and the TV:** I said get off. Please, just get off me.

**Zim, shaking, holding onto Dib's shirt for dear life:** No!! Dib, please, don't-!

**Dib, body exploding into shivers: GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!** *he roars, pushing Zim off him. His shirt gets ripped off where Zim's hands were holding, as the alien falls into the floor with a grunt.*

**Zim, sitting up and groaning, rubbing the spot on his head where he's hit himself:** Ouch!! **_What is wrong with you??!_**

_Zim immediately regrets his words, as Dib's scowl turns into a pained frown. Dib gets up, holding his head with a hand, trying to navigate to the door without much success. His eyes feel like they're welling up with tears._

**Zim, alarmed:** Where are you going? You can't leave in this state!

**Dib, voice hoarse, heart aching like crazy:** Watch me. *he fiddles with the doorknob violently, but it won't budge* Fuck....Zim...let me go!

**Zim:** I will not! Look, I'm sorry about what I said, okay? But you're not leaving, I'm not letting you wander out into danger in this state!

**Dib, voice half broken, tears streaming down his face:** I can't... can't be near you right now! Let me leave!!!

**Zim, antennae dropping, hands balled into fists:** If the problem is me being near you then...then... I'll leave. I'll leave you alone.

_And without further ado, Zim calls for an elevator and gets lost inside the depths of his underground lab. Dib is left alone and frozen in place, body shivering, still clinging to the doorknob._

**Dib, in a pained whisper:** Z-Zim...

_He slowly lets go of the doorknob, his wobbly legs giving out as he slides down to the floor. Back still to the door, he tries to contain his tears and whimpers, but there is no holding back anymore._

_Dib finds his reflection again in the corner of the TV screen, badly distorted. It looks even more pathetic, and emaciated, and...ugly. In a fit of blinding rage, he roars and hurls his flask, which bounces off his reflection with a "clang" and slides right under the couch. Dib feels even more tears streaming down his face. He is unable to look any longer, bringing his knees up and hugging his legs with his arms._

**Dib, face buried in his legs, whimpering quietly:** _Zim... Zim... I'm so sorry...._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wanna give a huge thanks to Syrupwit on Tumblr for betaing this, and all of my lovely supporters on Patreon for allowing me to continue making a living out of the work I love <3


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